Monday, November 9, 2009

Stop this train....nope, don't stop this train

"Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I konw I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train"

I love John Mayer's music. It probably helps that we're the same age and he writes songs about life. The first time I heard this song, I was at a point in life, where I was feeling overwhelmed - I had all this stuff I was supposed to do and I wasn't getting it done. It really felt like I was on a speeding train, going way faster than I could handle and I kept blowing by places where I was supposed to stop. Deadlines approached and I kept not being done. I kept looking back at those places where I was supposed to stop and beat myself up for not being ready and then I'd look ahead to the next stop and would realize that I wouldn't be ready again. You miss enough stops and you start wondering why I got on this train at all? What's the point? I can't keep up. "Stop this train, I wanna get off and go home again. I can't take the speed it's moving in." But, "I know I can't". So I go on and so does Mayer.

"Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
And don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"

The problem as I see it is that I was letting the past and future dominate my present. I was on a moving train, but I was sitting at the window and watching the scenery go past and pouting that I missed it. All the while, I was missing out on the wonderful stuff that was actually on the train. I was letting the present get away from me and missing out on so much joy that comes from the process of getting from point A to point B. I'm blessed to do the work I do, enjoy working out, grow from reading the Bible, like to see our house become a home and love to see the debt number decrease - there is so much joy and pleasure that can be found in the process, yet so often I let missing the mark in any one of the areas suck the joy out all the others.

Frankly I'm tired of that. I know that focusing only on how I so often miss the mark isn't the right approach. Unfortunately, it's the default setting in my brain, but one I think that can be changed. In "The Body Fat Solution", Tom Venuto's point of view is that "it's all feedback". And that is what I hope to embrace. Rather than missing my goal, I get some feedback that the method I chose didn't acheive that goal. I can't stop the train, nor do I want to - I just want to enjoy the train ride.

Next stop: dining car and then off the the sleeping berths.

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